Thursday, July 16, 2009

Let's Play Jeopardy

I Dreamt a Game of Jeopardy in Calgary One Night

I dreamt the other night that Jennifer Lynch was the host of an episode of Jeopardy. Come to think about it, she does look a little like Alex Trebek around the eyes.

In my dream, she came on stage and got right to it. That's how dreams go usually. No preamble. No introductions. Stuff just happens wierdly. Sorta like at the HRCs.

Right away she got into the game. No commercials. No nothing. But it was an audience participation game unlike on the real show. Remember it was a dream sequence.

Very Trebekishly Jennifer stands up there and says: "Here's the first question. The Category is Alberta HRC for $400.

He was a Pastor in Red Deer Alberta, who ministered to the youth of the town, excluding none regardless of colour, religion, or sexual persuasion. I hear a few buzzers already. He wrote a letter criticizing the Homosexual Agenda in the schools of Red Deer to the editor of the Red Deer Advocate. Stop the buzzing already, and let me finish. Some poor chap took offence and filed a complaint against him with the Alberta HRC. After 6 years of haranguing by the Alberta HRC, they found him guilty of hating and sentenced him to pay out $7,000, and to never speak, write, think or even pretend to think disparagingly about homosexuals again.

OK. You in the front row. Yes you there."

The participant, a bald, reverential looking, young man in a dark suit, looked her in the eye and replied: "Who is Stephen Boissoin?"

"Correct for $400." She replied. "OK. You get to choose the next category."

"Alberta HRC for $800," he said in a firm voice.

Jennifer started in again: "She was the commissioner in the case involving Pastor Boissoin. She is a divorce attorney from Lethbridge AB, a political appointee, with no meaningful experience in human rights matters, a hack as it were. However, that has not stopped her this far. I hear the buzzer.

"You there."

"Who is Lori Andreachuk."

Good answer. Choose our next topic.

Alberta HRC for $1,200.

"Alright then. We are rolling along here. He was a school teacher in Red Deer Alberta. He filed the complaint against Pastor Boissoin."

"OK, you waving your arms. Is that my good friend Ezra Levant? (It was a dream, remember). Yes, you for $1,200."

"Who is the Village Scold?"

"Ezra, good answer. You've said that before, but the judge says that is not only the wrong answer, but is not a very sensitive answer. I was looking for his proper name, not a descriptor."

"Someone else for $1,200."

"Who is Darren Lund?"

"Ok. Choose our next topic."

"Alberta HRC for $1,600."

Queen Jennifer reads from her cue card: "They are a Death Metal Rock Band. They have sold over 475,000 records, and one of their titles is Kill the Christian, which describes hatefully killing Christians. Their music which is vile and disgusting in its content, and includes such other delightful songs as Crucifixation, Lunatic of God's Creation, Carnage in the Temple of the Damned, and Oblivious to Evil, a somewhat signature piece formed the basis of a complaint against HMV music in 1997 by Quinton Johnson a Christian and himself an artist."

Nobody. I expected so. The answer for $1,600 was Who is Deicide?

OK. Alberta HRC for $2,000.

Once again, Ms. Lynch goes to her cue card, and reads: "She is a QC (hint, hint). She was panel chair in the Johnson Deicide decision, and therefor was responsible for these momorable words: "It is the decision of this panel that the message, which includes its content, tone and surrounding circumstances, is highly unlikely to affect the target group. It is further the decision of the panel that the medium lacks credibility and circulation and is quite unlikely to have any affect on the target group. Further, the context of the songs must be considered as lacking in credibility or reality. The vulnerability of the target group would be extremely limited, if at all and the audience, including the exposed, would be limited in nature and would only come into possession of these particular CD’s in an overt act of volition on their own behalf."

"You there."

"Who is Lori Andreachuk?"

"Correct for $2,000."

At that, I awoke with a start, realising that it was not a dream at all but a nightmare, and it was more real than not.

In fact, it's all a game of jeopardy, and we are the losers, no matter who walks away with the cash.

No wonder I don't sleep well at nights.

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