Maybe Not So Much Today
Yesterday, My Dear Wife shared with me a complaint that she had about something I had been doing for quite some time, that she felt was not honouring to her. She was bang on, by the way, and I was saddened that something I was doing unknowingly, was hurting her. It is not what I want to be doing in my life. I truly love her very deeply. I did apologize, but not clearly, and not without reservations. Consequently, the day got worse and worse, and I confess to you dear readers, that I did less as the day continued to honour her, and make it better. We did not go to bed happy, to say the least.
During the night, I awoke to revelation from the Lord about what I had been doing. Over the last few months, I think my writing has been pretty good, and the Lord has allowed me to see things clearly from time to time for others, and I was a BIT full of myself. Along the way, I started to forget where all the inspiration came from. Also, recently, some areas of temptation in my thought life had been occurring, and I was aware of it happening, and did not put an end to it, but in fact went along with it. So, what I was operating in was pride, spiritual pride. In that pride, I had hurt the woman that I share my life with, and the one person I know on earth, who when she speaks to me, speaks truth from God's lips to her ears, to her mouth to my ears. This particular time I had only listened half heartedly BECAUSE . . . because my pride was hurt.
The last part of the revelation that came was the need to get myself to Confession, and to do that to go and see Father Clement Agamba, way up the road in north Pima County at St. Elisabeth Ann Seton Parish. Father Clement is a priest from Ghana, who had been at Our Lady of Fatima, when we were there last year, but was moved when we were back in Canada. His holiness and reverence for Our Lord had been inspirational to us, and I had gone to him previously for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
I got up early, and quietly left for Church, not at Our Lady of Fatima, a few minutes away, as I usually do, but at St. Elisabeth Ann Seton, 30 minutes away. When I arrived, I marveled at this beautiful Church and facilities, and followed some of the parishioners into a lovely side chapel, where they were praying the rosary. I joined them, and then they left the chapel, and I followed them again. They entered the main church, which had a few hundred people in it preparing for mass. The large numbers were attributable to the Parish lenten mission that was starting today, and to the attendance thereat by the youth of the parochial school attached to the Church. I had had no knowledge of this prior to coming. The priest, who was going to preach the mission, was saying mass before commencing, and I thought that I would not then have an opportunity to see Father Agamba, but remained in place.
The mission theme is "Forgiveness is the Best Revenge", and the priest gave a homily about Peter, as today is the Feast of the Chair of Peter, and his disobedience, followed by Jesus making him the head of the Church, not because he was perfect, but because there were, and are, none who are perfect. Today, particularly I can relate to that. So, I was thinking that maybe I just needed to know that for today, and would have to go to Confession some other time.
But, I persevered, and after mass did not stay for the mission, but went to the church offices. It was about 9:30, and the receptionist was on the phone with someone, so I stood and waited while she spoke with a person who needed her attention. As she was about to hang up the phone and as I was about to ask her if Father Agamba was in or expected soon, I turned to see him come in the door.
He remembered me from OLF, and invited me into his office. He has nice digs there, and we spoke briefly, catching up on the last year. Then, he graciously took the time out of his day to hear my Confession. It is a wonderful experience to confess to a priest with a heart like his. He is definitely an alter christus.
After Confession, I left and made my way back to our motor home, and to My Dear Wife, with a well softened heart, and a shriven conscience. There I asked her to forgive me for my sinfulness towards her, and graciously she did.
I have some things that I need to work on to better honour this dear woman that I love, and I also have a need to be more mindful of the temptations that come my way, and of my ability through the grace of the confessional to resist.
I have discovered over the last few years, that if I go for Reconciliation regularly, that my strength to resist temptation is greater, and the longer I am between Reconciliations, the weaker is my resolve to avoid temptation and sin.
What a blessing it is to be able to receive the graces of this wonderful sacrament, and to be reconciled to God so that we can be reconciled with our fellow man.