I took Robin Anderson to task recently, as did Scary Fundamentalist on the left coast here. After all, she is the winner of Sun Media's national advice competition. Well, here is a question to her, and an answer that is more worthy of a winner of an advice competition. Just a question though, how to you gauge a winner of an advice competition, like you gauge "likely to expose to hatred or contempt"? Just asking.
Here is the question she got asked:
I am married to a great guy and things have been amazing. I just found out that I am pregnant, though, and don't know what to do. When we married, he made it pretty clear that he wanted to wait a while before we had children. We are young, he is in the military and wanted to make sure we were secure and somewhat settled before we started a family. He was an "accident" and felt that he wasn't wanted by his parents. That fact was brought up quite a bit when he was young and I think it still bothers him. I am worried that the news of our pregnancy won't be well received. Is there anything I can say to soften the blow? Do you think he will be OK with it even though it may interrupt our plans to travel, etc.? -- PREGNANT PAUSEHow cute, a pregnant pause. I guess it was really the pause that got her pregnant. Anyway, Ms. Anderson responds:
Well, I consider myself very Catholic, particularly after trying to do things my own way for so much of my life. So I believe in the principles espoused in Pope Paul's encyclical Humanae Vitae. I also believe in the methods of birth regulation that the Church favours. Accordingly, I do not have fondness for birth control, and the means used to control birth. But that at the moment is a philosophical discussion and not germane to the good advice given to Pregnant Pause.
First of all, let me say congratulations on your pregnancy. I don't know your husband, so I can't predict how he is going to react. You said he wanted to wait, but didn't indicate who was in charge of the birth control, or if there was any. It doesn't really matter, because even with all the birth control in the world, sometimes there is an "oops." What is important is that you raise the child with as much love and care as you would if it was planned.
I can understand your husband wanting to wait until you were a bit more established, but honestly, if everyone waited for the perfect time to have a child, when all the bills are paid and life is peachy keen, there would be a very low birth rate. You are just going to have to put your travel plans on hold for a few years. There is no way to "soften the blow," as you say. He may surprise you and be overjoyed. If not, he may be upset initially, but that, too, should pass. Don't stress yourself over it, it's not good for you and you have someone else to worry about now.
Your husband will most likely come around once the shock wears off. If you want to give him a little food for thought, tell him your children -- providing you aren't planning to have a baseball team -- will be grown up when you are still young. This way you can get them to house-sit while you jet around the world. If your husband is as great as you say, I think you will be just fine.
It is an answer more worthy of someone who is esteemed enough to win the Sun Media advice competition.
She, of course doesn't say what to do if hubby does not want to step up to his Vocation as a husband and father. Hopefully, Ms. Anderson does not get a second letter about that question, because hopefully Hubby embraces this new opportunity in his life.
God Bless Pregnant Pause, and her husband and unborn child. Keep them safe, Dear Lord.