Monday, December 28, 2009

Anthropomorphic Baked Goods to the HRC

As Reported by Dumb Old Housewives

So, DOH (H/t Blazing Cat Fur) reported an Ontario HRC complaint in the making as follows, with the original found here:
Kookie Pieceman isn't a man. She isn't sweet. She isn't even brown. But she did not allow any of those facts to stop her from launching a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Commission regarding Mark Steyn's latest musical offering, "Sweet Gingerbread Man".
"I was shocked by Mr. Steyn's tone," Ms Pieceman stated during a weekend interview. "His fans are apparently eating this up, but any right thinking person would certainly pan it. What benefit can there be in allowing him to sing?"
Ms Pieceman declined to repeat the harmful words contained in the controversial song, but maintains that in general, "it is likely to expose anthropomorphic baked goods to hatred and contempt."
Mr. M. Man of Drury Lane, Ottawa, has spent his entire adult life in the baking industry, and concurs with Ms Pieceman's assessment. "This song exposes me to contempt, all right," he asserts. "That, in turn, breeds familiarity. Ever since songs of this genre became popular, everyone seems to think they know me."
Mr. Steyn could not be reached for comment.
But, Kookie Pieceman has some skeletons in the closet as well, it seems., as the following video attests. Seems Ms./Mr./It Pieceman is probably only using this as political leverage to replace Mr. Steyn on the top of the pop charts. Having heard both Mr. Pieceman's forgettable hit from the 50's, below and Mr. Steyn's Sweet Gingerbread Man, which is available here at BCF's site, I am hoping that Pieceman's HRC complaint is overturned before it gets to the Supreme Court of Canada.



If, of course this claim makes it to the Supreme Court, you can expect the Supreme's to reprise their famous hit "You Keep Me Hangin' On". with the memorable lyrical line: "Get outta my life, why don't you, Steyn? You just keep me hangin' on."




8 comments:

Joshua S. said...

I helped myself to a slice of fruitcake after lunch, and my ears are still burning. I can't even repeat what the fruitcake had to say. The gingersnaps in the cookiejar are equally enraged, and the bread simply refuses to toast.

Offending baked goods during the Christmas season is simply BEYOND THE PALE! I'm speechless.

Blazing Cat Fur said...

Hehehe funny but don't give Barb et al any ideas;)

mbrandon8026 said...

Joshua:

For someone who is speechless you seemed to have a lot to say, but you were probably channeling your inner fruit cake (literal not figurative).

BCF:

The Barbettes seem to enjoy your site more than mine, and hopefully won't pick up these new fangled notions.

Joshua S. said...

Dearest Blazing Cat Fur:

Methinks Barb Hall wouldn't know an "idea" if it bit her on the bum.

Oh dear! I used to work with Barb Hall. I remember that (very significantly large and wide) bum as much as I remember those colleagues whose lips seemed to have been KrazyGlued to it. I do apologize if anyone lost their lunch because of my insensitivity. Mea culpa!

Joshua S. said...

Michael:

I may be struck "speechless" but am a writer by profession, not an orator. My fingers NEVER fail me.

mbrandon8026 said...

The visual images are lunch losing, Joshua.

Methinks there was a little too much brandy in the fruit cake, or you are continuing to channel said gateau de fruit.

The turkey sandwich that I had for lunch was a little tough. Maybe I was chewing on the south end of that north facing turkey, speaking as we were of turkeys with wide loads.

Joshua S. said...

Michael:

Wideloaded turkeys have feelings, too! Wash your Christianist mouth out with soap. Anthropomorphic soapist discipline is clearly in order!

mbrandon8026 said...

I just don't know if this latest turkey will fly!!

Babs will have to come up with a new hierarchical human right to defend human turkeys from having their feelings hurt.